crzysexicool on Xanga

am i not enough???

am i not enough??? thats a nice question i suppose. one that im hoping gets answered soon. men/boys and all their games. so im in my boyfriends, well ex boyfriends room chillin and i see a few little papers on a table so i open them and see two girls numbers. what the fuck!!! i mean yeah he got girls on his pipe and yeah he is single but its like, why keep me around why act like you still want me and like me and care if you fuckin dont.??? what, am i just not enough for you??? is my love and everything i do not as good as some other girl??? please let me know...i will be cool about it. i'll just move on im tryin to move on and do me but its kind of hard with him still in my life in this way....i want him to be my friend i guess but its like why is he just collectin them?? did he store them in his phone??? or is he plannin on callin him did he call them???? ugh this shit is killin me....and you know what....im going to just say fuck it and when the time is right bring it up to my advantage...but im not going to stay around much longer like this if he is doing him, because ima do me. in my own way.

The past is all in the past...or is it really???

People usually say the past is the past, whats done is done. and if you learned from the past; meaning your past mistakes, then thats even better. and everybody is not perfect, and i believe what makes you a better person is learning from the mistakes you made and not repeating them again. so just like everybody im a human being, who makes plenty of mistakes, not to get all into it but i have some problems in my life, on top of that im young. so i do have a past im not necesarily proud of and im ashamed of some suff and i do regret it. but i have accepted it and learned from my mistakes. so what do you think concerning this. if you had a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, and you strongly hated their past. at what terms would you look past it. how big of mistakes would make you turn away and dump them??? do you think its fair or right? besides rumors and what people say and haters. at what conditions would you stay with the person and what conditions would you leave them??

my haunting dreams

dreams or nightmares you may ask, but i have come to a conclusion that they are dremas. on a regular they have begun to come and no longer do i have sweet ones. they all turned into nightmares and everynight makin them my permanint dreams. they haunt even when im awake. i sit there contemplatin about them, tryin to figure out what they mean. but they all have one thing in common. in every dream there is someone out to get me, out to kill me. and i always wake up right before they get me. the thing, the person, whats coming to get me always varries, from ex-friends, to people i have never met. to weird things that wont die. it scares the shit out of me, when im alone and no one is home...i never get good sleep anymore..when will they end? why did they begin? whats to come? is my death approaching me slowly? or is it right around the corner?
so much on my mind nothin really to say at this point, im tired of thinkin and im tired of talkin about it!
main focus at this point is find a job. and the rest will come. but heres a pic i find very sexy lol